This Present Life is for Dying

Seventeen years ago today, I was nineteen and he was twenty. We didn't know much about God's plan for our lives other than that we were meant for each other and we were extremely excited to start the adventure called life together. February 8th we said "I do" and drove away to the Il Palio hotel in Chapel Hill to begin our first evening as man and wife. Fast forward seventeen years and six children later with one in the oven. I have five, soon to be six, daughters. What would I advise them to look for in a husband so that they could enjoy a marriage as I have enjoyed mine? I might confuse them by saying, "Look for a man who is dying. You want a man who has died and continues to die daily." Okay, maybe I might not word it quite like that, but that is the best kind of man to have walk beside you on this decaying and corrupt earth. Let me explain. When we were first married we had a ridiculous amount of time left over from work and school to spend on ourselves. My husband loved to fish and spent almost every afternoon in his canoe, daydreaming his evening away. He also had an enormous fixer-upper car that he called "red thunder" that he liked to tinker with, and then of course there was hunting season and camping trips. This was "living." Almost four years after we were married our first daughter was born. We were completely in love with this longed for baby. She was a challenge and shed quite a few tears those first years, but life still felt "possible." There was still plenty of time in a day to pursue the things we enjoyed. Life had its challenges, but we weren't left breathless. Number two girl came, life was even more of a challenge, but doable, then number three, and then four, and then, wow! Life was pretty intense, ALL the time. I watched my husband year after year slowly give up the few things that he had kept for himself. Some of it was time, as our family increased I needed him more and more at home. He slowly gave up one annual, traditional camping trip after another. First it was his trout fishing in the mountains and finally it was the outer banks fishing trip that he had enjoyed every fall. By this time "red thunder" had been long gone, he found his dream toyota landcruiser for a steal in mint condition, but as that was not practical for his new construction business, he let go of that as well. A friend sold him a "babied" blazer, (diesel mind you!) that he eventually sold to provide for his family a vehicle that he swore up and down he would never own....a minivan! I have seen him sell his boat and motorcycle and now he is left with nothing but his canoe, which the kids now use as a swimming pool in the summer. Hunting seasons have come and gone and nothing more than talk and hopes of getting into the woods have come to pass. How does this man spend his days now that he is been all but stripped of his hobbies and favorite past times? He heads to work every morning in his truck filled with tools. He returns home every evening and hugs everyone hello and asks me, "How can I help you?" He changes a diaper and takes waiting children on a walk to "big hill" where they can finally ride their bike after waiting all day. Sometimes he lends a hand with dinner or encourages me to get away to catch up with a friend. He doesn't do this every once in a while, or once a week, or even several times a week. This is his life. Every day. Its intense. Sometimes, it feels as if we are barely coming up for air. And yet, it feels right. It is most certainly the life we were called to and it is the life we need in order to die. It will look differently for everyone. Not everyone is called to this life of child after child. But we are all called to die. This particular calling is a blessed life. A joyous life. But a life that calls for much dying. "...unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." Day after day, year after year, I have witnessed this man dying to his passions, his time, his interests, his actual self. He gives his life for his family in order that we might live. His life is about living for us. Its not that he doesn't pursue time for himself to do the things he loves. And it is not that it is wrong for him to pursue those things. They are healthy and he should seek out time to just relax on a pond with a beer and a pole. But more often than not God is asking him to give up these innocent pleasures for a season in order to bear much fruit. What I am witnessing day after day is a man who has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer him who lives, but Christ who lives in him. And the life he now lives in the flesh he lives by faith in the Son of God, who loved him and gave himself for him. (Gal 2:20) He is no longer living for himself. He has died and continues to die daily. Seventeen years ago I said "I do" to a man that has the eternal God living within him. As he continues to die I am left with Christ living in him. How truly blessed I am. Thank you Lord for these seventeen years. Thank you for your work in this man.